#Content

These past couple of days have been pretty awesome.. I was able to get thru the work week without flipping out.. I definitely jumped wayyyy out of my comfort zone and made a new friend.. I communicate with my other half more..

I’ve been doing a lot of talking and planning but, now I think.. I know it’s time for me to stop talking and just do it.. there are so many opportunities in the world and at the same time.. life is short..

I’ve been having the same goals since I was a little girl.. but, along the way.. optimism dwindled.. and I saw how real life could really be.. I damn near subjected myself to becoming a statistic.. but, I’m better than that..

I won’t be writing as much.. 

the new writings I put out in the future will he better tho.. more real!!

#Anger

Sometimes..

I fail to realize that I’m actually mad about something.. or sometimes I can’t believe that I’m actually mad about a certain situation..

Sometimes..

I don’t know why I’m upset or sometimes I know exactly why I’m angry but I can’t figure out a way to not be mad..

I’m always mad, lol..

I’m getting tired of it tho.. getting tired of a lot of things which is why I’m taking a step forward and bringing my habits to the surface.. 

if I can’t acknowledge it.. I can’t fix it..

it just happens so fast tho.. hell, I don’t even know what would piss me off.. I shock myself sometimes!!

yoga, prayer, and Mary Jane.. definitely helps..

#Reflecting

I have no idea of how it feels to relax..

mentally.. that is..

My mind is constantly going..

Constantly thinking of who, what, when, where, how, next, then..

We recently got a puppy..

She definitely tests my patience.. I didn’t realize I was that bad! 

Work has become the lowest point of my day.. I’m just so tired of working there but, for now, I’m stuck..

I write less.. something that I didn’t want to happen.. but, I can say that I’m progressing! 

Still have to keep pushing myself tho.. stay positive.. keep calm..

I’m not the same person that I was.. and that’s a good thing.. because I found my voice!

#Chillin

Things are more clear now..

I tend to only see the big picture.. and miss out on the finer details..

I guess if I slow down a little.. I’ll notice more things..

I have a week off from work.. this is the third day and I have zero complaints..

My mom did a pop up and stayed for a week.. I’m glad she enjoyed herself.  she definitely deserved it.

We also got a new puppy today.. Nylah.. she’s adorable

#OverIt

Everyone has their own agenda.. including  me..

My biggest downfall is trying to understand everything..

I just have to know why..

I hold grudges.. because I don’t know how to let go..

I seek revenge anytime someone does me wrong.. because I don’t know how to let go.. and shit always backfires..

I want to live my life.. 

So, my question is.. how do you give up on a person.. how do you know when it’s time to move on already..

I’m starting to feel like a needy, unpredictable, pushover and I don’t like it..

The scary part is..

I think I’ve been this way all my life and I’m just now realizing it..

I can’t really hold on to anything anymore.. 

People are people and will always be people and people will treat you they way you allow them to..

Know your self worth and who you are as a person..

It’s ok to be alone for a while to figure shit out..

It’s life.. and life will always be life.. and life never stops..

#Good

Haven’t posted in a couple of days..

But that’s because I’m ok..

Finally..

But that’s the problem..

I get too high off my own happiness and forget about the real world..

Forget how quick and random things can change for the worse..

Remain positive??

Nahhh, I’ll remain aware.. aware of my actions and the things around me..

Sure, I’m soaking in all of this happiness, peace..

Sound of mind..

I needed this!

But, I’ll be ready next time..

I’ll push through.

#Acceptance 

Accepting who you are can definitely prove to be harder than accepting someone for who they are. 

Sometimes life puts you in situations where you literally act accordingly even tho it goes against the actions of who you are as a person.

It sucks.

Some days it feels as if you’re not in your body. Autopilot definitely kicks in when everything and everyone is constantly moving on.. oblivious to the fact that you’re dying inside.

Therapy is definitely an option.. but how can you trust them to actually help..

But it would be nice to have someone to just..  listen.

Letting it all out is the first challenge. Understanding.. Accepting.. Forgiving.. Moving on..

Something’s gotta give tho.. the more time flies.. the more complicated social relationships are..

Can’t trust anybody.. no one gets the benefit of the doubt..

But, you have to want to change.. you have to be selfish for a bit and worry about yourself for a change..

Cus the person you’re mad at.. has definitely moved on with theirs..

#Blah..

Just gettin home from work.. I have no words to describe the chaotic nonsense that happened.. It wasn’t even a bad day.. just chaotic..

Mom is overwhelmed.. with life I guess.. and she’s sick.. ulcer.. diabetes.. high blood pressure.. it worries me so.. especially when it seems like I’m the only one who cares but can’t help..
My relationship isn’t too great right now.. I’m not too great right now..

Love is interesting..

I’m mentally exhausted. I just want a break.. to leave the “real world” for a bit..

I just want to be carefree..

#Chillin 

Everybody wants to party, be the most known, show off their expensive things..

I just wanna chill

Everybody wants to fight, hold on to grudges, start some drama..

I just wanna chill

Everybody wants a relationship,  everybody wants to be single, everybody wants a friend..

I just wanna chill

Everybody wants to relive the past, talk about the future, complain about the present..

I just wanna chill

That’s it. I just wanna chill. Live. Enjoy everything around me while I can.